“Having kids wouldn't suit my lifestyle or personality type,” says a redditor. “Kids require more engagement than I have mental capacity for,” another one adds. Both of these—and many more—are valid arguments for not planning to have children. And even though as much as one in five adults simply don’t want kids, some people might still wonder why.
The user ilovenosycats asked the ‘Ask Reddit’ community members why they don’t have or do not plan on having children, and people were open about their opinions and experiences. Some of them shared witty remarks while others provided more complex answers, all of which you will find on the list below.
#1I don’t want to be a parent. That’s a perfectly valid reason.
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#2Sleep. I love sleep. I get up when I'm being paid to get up but otherwise my great and immediate joy is sleeping until I don't feel like sleeping anymore. I much prefer sleep to children.
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#3I just dont feel like I want it badly enough, and one should really want to have a child in order to be able to give their 100% as a parent, every child deserves that
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#4isn't 8 Billion People enough?
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#5This curse ends with me.
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#6Kids are great if you don’t like money or sleep
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#7I just don't like them. I don't even like being around them.
#8I have no interest in being a parent, never really have. To me it's always looked miserable, plus the idea of being pregnant and what it can do to your mind and body is stomach churning. Having kids wouldn't suit my lifestyle or personality type. Plus climate change is happening and will likely continue to get worse. Basically every reason not to resonates with me so I didn't list them all just my top ones.
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#9I'm a teacher. Why the hell would I spend 8 hours a day with children only to come home to more??
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#10I just never had a desire for it. I knew when I was seven years old that I didn't want to be a mom, it just filled me with a feeling of dread. Didn't need to articulate why, I just didn't want it.
As an adult, I can point out a few things like my preferred lifestyle doesn't include kids, I wouldn't want to give up my career, and that the very concept of pregnancy and child birth is horrifying to me. I'm glad other women are capable of it, but I absolutely am not.
And I got sterilized right before I turned 30, so I can live my life with one less worry.
#111. The whole process seems incredibly painful and difficult.
2. I'd f**k my kids up. I have a fearful-avoidant attachment style as a result of my toxic parents. I wouldn't be able to properly parent.
3. I'm incredibly inpatient and would change my mind 3 months in, if I even made it through the whole pregnancy.
4. I want freedom. Having kids means being available and responsible. I am not and will not be these things. I wanna live for *me*, live to enjoy life, and I most definitely won't enjoy having kids.
5. The world is overpopulated and f****d. I don't see any point in bringing more people to this world.
I have more reasons but these are my top 5.
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#12Clean house, financial comfort, ability to travel/leave the house whenever we want to.
Image credits: Dear-Cockroach4589
#13It's pure egoism. Objectivly.
**You** want a child
**You** want family
**You** always wanted to see **yourself** in little.
**You** want to fulfill **yourself** a dream **you** always had to reproduce
**You** want to feel good.
**You** want a child that makes **You** happy.
**You** don't want to be alone.
**You** want someone to be there when **youy** come back home.
It's always you you you.....
It's never about the child. If it's not about you, why don't you adopt an already existing child, instead of creating a new one?
The future your child will live in will be now one of the first generations that will live worse than you did. And it will continue this way.
Why do you want people suffering only to feel good for yourself until you die? But they have to keep living in the mess you put them in after you death.
#14I'm old and successfully avoided having kids.
My great-great-grandmother abused and abandoned her son, my great-grandfather, who left England at age 14 and came to America.
My great-grandfather then married, had kids, and abused and abandoned them when they were less than 10 years old.
My grandfather was one of those three, and he married and had many children, which he treated as servants or slaves, or spoiled pets. He abandoned my grandmother and left her with a dozen children.
One of those children was my father, a miserably unhappy and angry man, who abused me and my siblings, self-destructed and died young.
In the four preceding generations of my family, there were zero examples of good parenting, and nearly everyone seemed to bitterly regret having children.
I realized I had a very good chance of perpetuating more abuse and abandonment, and chose to make very certain I would not have children.
Generational abuse is quite common. Too many people overconfidently think they will *never* treat their children the way they were treated.
#15I just don’t want them. Nothing about being a parent is interesting or attractive to me.
#16I would feel guilty bringing another human into this f****d up world.
#17Cost of raising a kid, and the lifelong stress of raising a kid.
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#18I don't like anything about being a parent.
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#19Because I am scared of being a bad parent. I can't bring a life in this world just to screw it. Thanks for f*****g me up Narc dad.
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#20Why do I plan not to have children? Well...
*unrolls a list that's miles long*
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#21They are smelly, noisy, obnoxious, annoying, and cost way to much to upkeep.
#22I don't see the upsides
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#231. Kids are expensive, I'd rather travel.
2. Kids are messy, and I spend enough time cleaning as is.
3. Kids are loud, I prefer quiet or music (of my own choosing) that I can actually hear.
4. Kids require more engagement than I have mental capacity for. I can handle a dog, that's about it.
5. Kids produce a lot of smells, and I am sensitive to bad smells.
6. My sleep schedule is already f****d from ADHD (I'm on the 1am-8am schedule) and I don't need kids making it worse.
7. ADHD is a curse and I'm not passing it on. Same goes for my garbage spine.
8. I don't want to have to explain to someone I love how my generation could have failed them so badly in not stopping climate change from making the planet unlivable.
9. Same as 8 but for working conditions and the economy.
10. Pregnancy looks like it sucks, and while I'm a man and wouldn't have to endure it, I don't want to put anyone else through it.
#24Some people would say "selfishness" because really, my reason is : I'm not disillusioned and I don't romanticize parenthood, I don't want to make all the sacrifices that comes with being a parent. Little to no free time, insane patience is required, money and much more. I don't want to lose my life for the sake of something else. I'm already burnt out from working all the time at ridiculous schedule, when I come home, I want my day to be over, not for it to be "round two" of my day.
Also, lets not talk about all the bodily sacrifices I'd have to make. Pregnancy wrecks your body, sometime permanently. It's not smooth sailing for everyone. Some people have debilitating nausea. Stretch marks, hips change position permanently after giving birth (not necessarily painful but thats a permanent change you can't go back from). Loosing pregnancy weight when you have baby to to take care off, lack of sleep, baby stress, etc all things that goes against you when trying to lose weight. And even if you manage to drop the weight, you body has change, the belly will have a different shape and no amount of loosing weight can bring you back to how you were before. Some people have permanent bladder issues after having kids : sneeze pee or some level of incontinence. Vaginal tearing during birth. After pregnancy hormones breasts tends to not return to normal and becomes saggy for some people. There's a risk of abdominal muscles stretch. I could go on and on. I'm not going through that for the sake of anyone.
I'm just not that kind of person who think a hug compensate for every other c**p you have to go through. An A on a test doesn't pay the bills, a hug doesn't erase the fact you just screamed at the top of you lungs for the last 10 minutes trying to get me to buy you sometging. I don't have it in me to be a parent. That's all. Normal kids behavior makes me want to toss them out of a moving car. I don't care if it's normal, it's annoying. I don't need an extra dose of annoying in my life. I don't care if "it's different went the kid is yours" I don't care about blood relations, I don't care about countinuing the family name, all those things are not worth years of suffering and sacrifices.
#25Because it‘s excruciating for the body, and for your physical/emotional/hormonal/financial health. It makes your life harder for AT LEAST 18 years. And you can‘t gurantee that you‘ll be good enough for the child.
#26*gestures vaguely around myself* Um?
Also I have illnesses that could pass on to my offspring. And I'd never wish manic depression coupled with addictive tendencies on anyone, let alone watch my child suffer through it.
#27To quote Homer Simpson “aww I have 3 kids and no money. I wish I had 3 money and no kids”
I like my lifestyle. I am starting a “college fund, but instead of paying for a 3year degree I’m going to blow it on a looooonnngggg vacation
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#28I have OCD and trauma that would be entirely overwhelmed by a child. Children deserve to be annoying, gross, messy, and to have fun. I would not be able to foster an environment where a small child had the freedom to have fun without feeling bad about themself. Children are annoying but they’re supposed to be. It would be unfair for me to have a child that I know would overstimulate me. You don’t get breaks from being a parent and I just don’t think I’ll ever be ready for that.
I would perhaps like to adopt or foster older children one day. I think I could help someone have a very nice life. I’d also like to give a child the adult guidance I needed and never had.
Overall I think I’m more suited to be a cool uncle. I love kids and feel like they represent the best parts of personhood — love, trust, freedom of self expression without shame. I just don’t think I’d be a good fit for small kids long term. My own desires to nurture another don’t overpower the personal limitations I hold, I believe that would be selfish. On a personal level, I would also be horrified if I had a child with the same disorders that I have. I know the struggles and pains of growing up mentally ill and mistreated, and I never hope to make another person feel that way.
#29Autism. I'm autistic, my older brother has traits and our dad does too. I've been told it "isn't as genetic as I think" but that's not the only thing stopping me. There's anxiety and depression spanning three generations on my dad's side and I've got the anxiety and maybe depression. There's three auto immune diseases as well, rheumatoid arthritis with my mom and my late paternal grandmother, there's sjogrens disease with my mother and her sister has MS. And both my and my brother have displayed a couple of symptoms of sjogrens at times. And im terrified that my niece will end up with one of those f*****g auto immune diseases. But yeah having a kid is apparently the most wonderful thing you could or some s**t, idk. Did I mention the couple of different cancers? I'll have to double check which ones but at the end of the day, I'm not having kids.
#30There is not a single thing in my life that would improve by having kids. I don't get the urge. I don't get the question. No hate, but the decision to have a child makes no sense to me. Pure insanity.
Image credits: AdorableParasite
#31Have you seen the world we live in? Global warming, wars, idiots ... Not bringing a child into a world like this.
#32Because I don’t want to. Love kids, they’re adorable and all, but no thanks.
#33Would rather help an existing life be better through adoption than to create another one. As well as not pass down my less than optimal genetics
#34Infertility. We tried for years I wanted nothing more than to be a mother but it just didn’t happen. But though this process we have realized we really enjoy our no kids lifestyle. So as of now if it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t by the time I’m 40 we will adopt…maybe.
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#35Giving birth have some risk. And I don't want to risk my wife for child I don't even actually want.
Why should I have kids anyway ?
#36I think the correct question is "why would you want to have a kid?"
#37I can barely look after myself let alone a kid
#38I had a vasectomy and I had a vasectomy
#39I have a hard time letting the dog out sometimes so I know I'm not going to feel like doing s**t for the kid. Too selfish
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#40It might be selfish but life is short, I don’t want to sacrifice 1/4 of it raising kids. And then when you finally get rid of the kids it’s the grandkids getting dumped on you
#41Bringing someone into this world is cruel
#42I'm living this life for me. I can go and do whatever I want, whenever I want, without thinking of anyone else and it doesn't impact anyone else whatsoever. Absolute freedom. Then there's the costs. Then there's the world going to s**t. Unless I can 100% guarantee they will be successful, healthy and happy, that's a No-Go for me.
#43Both I and the woman who would have been their mom are not mentally fit to be parents. Our house would not be a good place to grow up. We also have some bad physical traits that are best left out of the genepool.
#44because kids are basically money-sucking vacuum cleaners with legs
#45Nunya. Nunya business. Seriously though, we just never had an overwhelming desire for kids. We figured if it was not something we felt really strongly about we should just pass. For me I think that is because I was the youngest and none of my siblings had kids either. My wife and I did foster a boy when he was 6 to 8 years old. It was a good experience, but at the end of it we both admitted not having the stress and expense of kids was a good thing. Although we did miss having him around and we did a lot of things, like going to movies and theme parks, that we would not have done had we not had a child in the house.
#46Having kids is just too expensive
#47Whenever I see women give their reason for being childless, they always reference how it would negatively impact on THEIR lives.. (which I definitely relate to so no shade)
But despite the fact that I would hate being a mother.. I still don't hate the idea of having a kid someday. I've always sort of pictured myself with one.
The reason I'm not gonna do it is for the child's sake.
No kid deserves to be stuck with me as their mother for life.
I know how I feel about my mother.. and I share all of her flaws and none of her coping skills. My kid would hate me and I would deserve it. This kid is pretty much guaranteed emotional instability and consequential trauma that I won't be able to control 100% of the time.
And to consciously bring that kid into this pre-apocalyptic world of nonsensical tyranny?? This child would be a mess on the inside and on the outside.
#48I like my life exactly like it is. Kids might make it better. They might make it worse. But, since this is awesome, I’m great with things staying the way they are.
#491. I'm not ready financially, emotionally, physically, mentally capable and any other aspects right there
2. I am single, never been in a relationship, and currently no plans of having one. If I'll find for my parther, we should agree on the fact that we might choose not to have kids.
3. I am still spoiling my inner child. I need to focus on making myself better first
4. Even if I became the best parent in the world, giving everything to my child, I think the world isn't that sustainable anymore. You can give the best parenting method to your child but pollution, bad influence, discrimination, accidents, war, and potential pandemics will just make you think that this isn't the perfect place to live anymore
#50Full transparency, and being a bit vulnerable here, it’s actually a combination of several things:
1) It’s hard to determine a consistent sense of self with the way American society is so fast paced now for me, and I cannot imagine having to navigate someone I’m responsible for through the world to help them determine their own sense of self
2) I’d think it would be selfish of me to produce a kid with the genes I’ve gotten from my family (bipolar depressive disorder, ADHD, heart disease, etc.) and then have them suffer through that stuff
3) I still struggle with my insecurities regarding my intelligence and knowledge basis on finances, household maintenance, car repairs, and consistency in my own life routines where I get a sense of fulfillment, so ineptitude essentially
4) I cannot afford that idea right now and likely won’t be able to because I don’t per se put a premium on the accumulation of capital and financial resources, nor do I necessarily want to
5) I read the 3 prominent Stoic philosophy texts by Seneca, Aurelius, and Epictetus and routinely they mentioned the things we “own” owning us due to the upkeep required for these “things”, and I hate the idea of being indebted to or forced to submit myself to anything really and daily have problems coming to grips with needing to do this to “play nice” in society at large
Sorry, it seems like I ranted there…
#51Don’t have the patience for kids
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#52Climate change and late stage capitalism.
#53I don't want to be a parent, I'm too selfish to have a child. I like my own time and to do what I want, when I want to.
Also, there is NOTHING for kids coming into this world.
#54Parent and sibling both have bipolar disorder. Early on I knew I didn't want to pass on my genes. Of course there are other ways to have kids, but I have never wanted them. I don't know if that's my nature of my nurture. In my mid-50s I see peers with adult kids and grandkids and envy that a little and worry for my older years without that connection and source of potential support. Even so, I don't have the desire to raise a child.
#55Infertility f*****g sucks a*s dude
#56Zero maternal instincts plus (likely) infertility. Even if I was on the fence about kids, I don't want them badly enough to go through fertility treatments to have them. I just never felt the desire to be a parent.
#57I'm pro having kids, my problem is the people too stupid to have kids are too stupid to avoid it. Some of those people are going to be the comments here.
It's of no benefit for me to try to convince stupid people to have kids.